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A column: Four things you do when a woman hurts

Really Will Smith? REALLY?

It’s remarkable that so much of the world can engross itself in an event such as the antics at the recent Oscars, with everyone apparently missing the point.

To preamble, it’s not as if the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has any special claim to class or innocence.

For nearly a century it has operated as a promotional and political beast which is expert at consuming its own, while its get-togethers have been disgraced by racism, misogyny and other ugliness.

So let’s not pretend like someone peed on the carpet at Oslo City Hall during the presentation of the Nobel Peace Prize.

Unless you’ve been unconscious for the last two weeks, you know that during the 2022 Oscars, Will Smith slapped Chris Rock after the latter made a tasteless, cruel joke about actress Jada Pinkett Smith, who is married to Will.

Suffice it to say if you make fun of a woman’s hair (and one who has lost her hair through illness) and you do it in front of 16.6 million television viewers, you are not deserving of sympathy.

The victim in this drama is Jada, who was publicly hurt and then denied the opportunity to handle that situation herself.

This notion that males are entitled to barge forward, intent on their own satisfaction when something has happened to “the wife” or “the girlfriend,” (also sisters, daughters and moms) is quite Cro-Magnon.

Let’s be very clear.

There are only four things a man should do when a woman is hurt – emotionally or physically.

A) Ask: “Are you okay?”

B) Ask: “What do you want to do?”

C) Ask: “What do you want me to do?”

D) Do it.

Repeat as needed.

No victim of a traumatic event needs a wannabe 21st century Sir Galahad running around making things worse, just so he can feel better. And it always makes things worse, as we witnessed at the Oscars.

Also, eventually the victim is likely to be blamed for any resulting fallout, as we saw following the Oscars, as well.

Online hate was directed towards Jada, and she was accused of causing the debacle. Even Will, in his apology speech, stated that “love makes you do crazy things.”

Only that’s not love. It sounds more like ownership, egos and disrespect.

If someone keys a man’s pickup truck, and the owner wants to extract a form of revenge, that’s for him to choose.

But a woman who has been injured has the right to determine what happens next. It puts control back into the hands of someone who has had it taken away.

Perhaps I shouldn’t say this, but a little piece of me hopes that when Jada and Will got home following the melee, she slapped him.

I mean, only if she wanted to.

Do you have something to add to this story, or something else we should report on? Email:andrea.demeer@similkameenspotlight.com


 
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