People are really wild about their animals.
Sometimes, they are downright silly.
Over the Christmas holidays a meme circulated on social media, a picture of an engaging-looking pup and the text: “Don’t drink and drive. Your best friend will never know why you didn’t come home.”
Posters thought it was the most moving message they had ever read regarding the dangers of impaired driving.
Uh huh.
If the most compelling reason you can formulate to drive sober is so Fido doesn’t get confused, you are not responsible enough to have care and control of another living creature.
Or consider adopting a gold fish. At least it can go for days without food and anything that lives in its own bowl doesn’t care if you come home or not. No pressure.
On Boxing Day a Red Deer, Alberta man made headlines when he saved his six-year-old Husky from an attacking cougar by punching the large feline repeatedly in the head.
Not satisfied with securing the injured dog’s release, he continued to deliver blows to the predator, and then retreated to his pick up truck to get a stick so he could finish it off.
Hey crazy people - cougars are people too.
Except of course cougars are not people, and neither are dogs.
Crazy people.
It’s common for pet owners to refer to their quadrupeds as “part of the family.”
That’s fair.
In a recent survey conducted by the American Animal Hospital Association, 40 per cent of female dog owners claimed to get more emotional support from their pets than they do from their husbands. Hopefully there are arguments in those households about who gets to sleep on the bed.
However some dog and cat lovers go so far as to equate their pets with children, in a manner that is offensive both to parents and those who actually understand animals.
The DeMeers have had many children, and many dogs. While it’s true they have shared traits - always making a mess and listening only half the time - we’ve made a concerted effort to the dress them differently.
Having trouble discerning between your dog and your offspring? The dog is the one bathing every part of his body on the love seat in the living room when the inlaws are visiting.
It’s called anthropomorphism (can’t believe that word is actually in the Microsoft Word dictionary). It’s the humanization of non-human entities; a habit that experts claim is unhealthy for both Rover and Mama Rover and Papa Rover.
Tyson is the DeMeer dog. He is loved by the entire family (stretch), but everyone is clear on his role. He is the dog. We are the people.
Tyson doesn’t have birthday parties, he’s not allowed on Facebook and he doesn’t get his own Christmas stocking.
An interesting breed mix – part hound, part shepherd – means Tyson is a handsome animal. His coat resembles a well-cut tuxedo.
Like seal cubs and girls who don’t graduate from high school, Tyson is extremely fortunate to be good looking. He gets away with behaviors that would put less esthetically pleasing animals in the corner. At times, being pretty is his means to survival.
Tyson barks at everything and that’s irritating. He stands most of the day like a sentinel at the large front window and yelps at passing cars, small children, and the elderly.
Voice of a lion and heart of a chicken, he is particularly ferocious when there are deer in the yard. In summer he runs full throttle at them, safe in the knowledge his chain only goes so far and he will never reach the deer, who understand the exact length of his leash.
Last Friday night Tyson took me for a walk, showed me sixty-four places you can pee in a block-and-a-half.
There was a rustling to our left, and there about four feet away was a large doe moving in the opposite direction. (Of course, you cannot swing a dead marmot in this town without hitting a dear.)
Tyson – who can smell a peanut butter sandwich from a mile way - stiffened for just a heartbeat. He started to raise his head and then, trying to be super cool about the situation, dropped his nose down and sauntered casually along, like he had no idea there was a deer beside us.
It was the most perfect example of an animal acting like a human that I have ever witnessed.